You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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