I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
