I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
