she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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