I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
