someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize