if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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