come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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