I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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