at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
