The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
