I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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