i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
