I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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