I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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