I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
