I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
