Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
