facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
