Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
