Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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