I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
