And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
love makes seman taste better
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize