I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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