Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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