Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just puked most of my soul out..
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