i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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