I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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