My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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