The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
