Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
