Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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