Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
