he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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