I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bring me that man meat
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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