Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
