she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
