So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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