I want to stick my p in your. b.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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