4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I CAN MOONWALK!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
