Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
