Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize