It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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