Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
