Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Life is so much better after having sex.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
