you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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