I cannot find my penis.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
