make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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