so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
