My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
