my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
