ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize