six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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