Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
