I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
