This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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