she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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