he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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