In the future we'll all be gay
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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