Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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