do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
