My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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