So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize