if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
