some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
