it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he puts the penis in happiness.
I love having hate sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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