he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
