Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
