I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
