I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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