Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
