im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My balls are so social today.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
