Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
