Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
