I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
