Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
