Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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