He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
