If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
