Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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