This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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