Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
