hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
