Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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