youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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