DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
