Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
These tits shall not be calmed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
