is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
