Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Randomize