I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
