It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
