Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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