Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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