i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
