I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How's work?
Spinning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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