it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
