I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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