You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize