Betty ford says i'm here all night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize