you would pick up someone in the library
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
