It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
